The future is hard to see

One big thing that I notice about myself that has changed since our infertility journey is that I now live much more in the present. This has intensified since the upheaval in the early part of the year.  I used to be that girl, the girl that had a 5 year plan and complete confidence that with enough hard work I could make that plan come true. I spent a good deal of my mental energy planning, scheming and dreaming about the future which would always be better than the present. I’ve noticed a huge change over the last year, I am much less certain about how the future will work out, I no longer believe that future events are a direct result of planning and hard work. Consequently I spend much less time planning, and thinking about the future. Sure I have things I’d like to see happen but I’m no longer convinced they will come to pass. I can’t really see further than a few months ahead. Right now I think I will likely graduate with my masters degree, hopefully in December if  everything works out. There are some vague plans for a kitchen/bathroom remodel in 2015 and hopefully some kind vacation but who really knows?Right now I am living firmly in the present and enjoying the now. Its kind of a weird aimless place to be…

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