The future is hard to see

One big thing that I notice about myself that has changed since our infertility journey is that I now live much more in the present. This has intensified since the upheaval in the early part of the year.  I used to be that girl, the girl that had a 5 year plan and complete confidence that with enough hard work I could make that plan come true. I spent a good deal of my mental energy planning, scheming and dreaming about the future which would always be better than the present. I’ve noticed a huge change over the last year, I am much less certain about how the future will work out, I no longer believe that future events are a direct result of planning and hard work. Consequently I spend much less time planning, and thinking about the future. Sure I have things I’d like to see happen but I’m no longer convinced they will come to pass. I can’t really see further than a few months ahead. Right now I think I will likely graduate with my masters degree, hopefully in December if  everything works out. There are some vague plans for a kitchen/bathroom remodel in 2015 and hopefully some kind vacation but who really knows?Right now I am living firmly in the present and enjoying the now. Its kind of a weird aimless place to be…

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I briefly had 5 beagles..

We found 3 loose beagles in our neighborhood this evening. They didn’t have collars so we lured them into the house with treats. For 30 glorious minutes our house was bursting with wiggly sniffy beagle energy. My dogs thought they had died and gone to heaven. As we were leashing and harnessing them up to take to the vet to have their chips read, the owner knocked on the door, apparently directed by another bystander. We happily returned the mans delightful dogs (2 females and a male) and were gratified by how happy he was to have them back. But now I’m wistful, missing our new friends. I am filled with a sudden urge to hoard beagles. I wonder if he will bring them over for play dates…