The Embryo Dilemma

(THIS POST IS EMOTIONAL WORD VOMIT, EXCUSE THE LACK OF EDITING)

Time has snuck up on me… next month marks one year since our donor egg cycle. I can’t believe its been that long., honestly it seems like yesterday.  That means that next month we will also have to pay our yearly storage fee so if we are planning on doing anything with our embryos now is the time. Originally we weren’t going to do anything with them but about a week ago our fertility clinic finally committed an unforgivable offence and I now have to move them because I don’t want them to have any more of my business.. ever.

In April they sent my sister a bill, that’s right they sent my DONOR a bill. For 2800 bucks. WTF. This is enough for its own post but needless to say I wasn’t happy for her to receive a bill 8 months after the fact for miscellaneous and unspecified charges. We disputed and by magic her bill shrank to 500 bucks but I still refused to pay until they sent me an itemized statement. They said they would send one and we waited… and waited.. and waited. Well last week she got a notice her balance was sent to collections. With no bill ever sent, no charges ever justified they trashed her credit (after doing a huge favor for me). We are still working on resolving this but now I have to remove my embryos.

We had found a clinic in the area we were interested in because they have a program that donated your embryos anonymously to a couple only charging them for the transfer, no additional fee for the recipient (plus my current clinic has no donor program at all). Jack and I liked this because I am tired of people making money off of me and it’s a financial break for another infertile couple. When we were thinking about this, it was a few years down the road because we wanted a break from fertility clinics and just in case we changed our minds. We were hoping if we were just planning on donating the new clinic would transport them for free. However we can’t just wait anymore so in order to transfer our embryos we have to meet with a doctor at the new clinic and make arrangements. This means dealing with more infertility bullshit and money. Can I just say that I am so over fertility clinics and so over wasting my money on infertility stuff.

To avoid this hassle I have considered just donating them now, to be done with everything and to avoid spending more money. I love the idea of closing this chapter of my life for good and not looking back, or at least a large part of me does. The other part wants to hang on to them because she’s pretty sure she wants to use them someday. Its so irritating to feel so sure of one thing one day and to feel completely opposite the next. To be fair I spend most of my time wishing to move on. I only have second thoughts some of the time and they rarely last more than a few hours. However, when I think about donating them now she claws to the surface and makes it known that she isn’t ready to give them up.

To add to the complications Jack and I have also been re-considering other embryo donation options as well. We aren’t sure if we want an anonymous or known donation anymore. Before I was pretty set on anonymous because I thought the idea of KNOWING those embryos were growing in someone elses uterus would be unbearable.  I have recently become less keen on the idea of having no say in who adopts my embryos, however, and you can’t have it both ways.  So the dilemma is this, Am I ready to donate them now? Do I chose anonymous or known donation? Why do I have to deal with this now, can’t I just have a freaking break from such heavy shit?

Happenings

We are currently anxiously waiting for the results of our FHA inspection. This is the most important stumbling block in the sale of our house. I’m not worried about it not passing repair-wise, I’m worried about the appraisal not matching the agreed upon price.  There isn’t a lot of comparables in the ‘hood and my county assessor undervalues properties about 20 thousand below market price which is good for taxes but bad for appraisals.  A bad appraisal could sink the deal.

Its late summer in the garden and we are currently harvesting 1-2 pints of raspberries every other day. I am in heaven. I love to go to the store, seeing how much they are charging for raspberries and think of all the money I am saving..

Speaking of harvests, the hop harvest is about to begin. It looks to be a bumper crop this year but there is a problem. I wrote a list on my old phone of which hop type I planted where. My phone died unexpectedly and I so now I only know the identity of one of my hop plants…. Since each type has different flavors and is added in different points of the beer brewing process its pretty important to know which is which… oops! (Jack is working on a way to identify them)

I finished my first 6 month term of my masters. I completed 43% of my course work which is almost double what I was supposed to finish. I’m kicking ass and taking names! I love school! 

Work still blows goats. Our next goal after selling the house is to sort out the job issue. I was going to wait until after I got my masters but I don’t think I can.  

Under contract!!!

There are two things I figured I would never see in my life, just because I wanted them so bad…. two pink lines and an offer on my house. But as of right now we are officially under contract for our house. I could not be more excited! Even though the offer is very reasonable we are talking a total bath on the house. We aren’t taking any money to the closing but we aren’t getting anywhere close to the 30000 down payment (not to mention the 9 grand roof) I put down when I bought it. Unfortunately I bought it in 2007 a the peak of the market just 6 months before the crash. Everything would have been fine except I met this guy, who also owned a house he bought at the peak of the market and the rest is history. However the roof debacle made the situation with the house clear, that it is time to stop throwing good money after bad. We have never made a profit on the rent (lost 100 bucks a month in fact) and although the house is well built it is also old and the roof is probably just the tip of that iceberg.  Plus there is the ever present danger of tenants doing damage or the need to evict them.  

Another factor that makes me happy is how much the soon to be buyer loves that house and the yard I put so much of my blood and sweat in.  I love that house and I am so excited that the new owner is going to love it too. Its such a good little house that it deserves that. She will take care of it unlike the tenants.  So I’m feeling pretty good. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that the universe is finally extending me the hand of friendship but it seems to finally be offering a cease fire. 

Fun with fermentation

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In our former rental house (now on the market) our tennant planted pickling cucumbers. While we were over there last weekend taking care of the yard I saw them and thought “I can pickle that!” (Does anyone else love Portlandia as much as I do?) So I took them home and attempted to make homemade fermented pickles. All you do is make a salt water brine, cut up the cucumbers and put them in a clean jar, add spices (dill, garlic,mustard seed and pepper) to the jar, and pour the brine in. You have to weigh down the cucumbers so they stay submerged and wait 5 days for the fermentation to happen and the pickles to sour. I finally took down the pickles yesterday and tasted them. Too salty :-(. I need to make my brine less powerful. Good thing there are more cucumbers to practice on!