Still struggling

I don’t know why but this BFN is hitting me harder than after my last cycle of IVF. Maybe because I had so much more hope this time. Last night we were at family dinner with my parents, sister/BIL, and my nephews. Ian the 2 yo was doing something and kicked me really hard and I SNAPPED at him. I never do that, ever. I felt like shit afterwards. On Friday someone at work asked me how I was doing and I just burst into tears and ran out of the room. I am soooo embarrassed.

We had our WTF last week and my RE said it was just bad luck and he can’t see any reason this didn’t work. He said he was confident we’d be pregnant soon. But we are waiting til January to try again. The holidays are going to be busy and hopefully we will be able to enjoy them.

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10 thoughts on “Still struggling

  1. Take the time you need to grieve this cycle – of course you’re still upset! There’s no reason it shouldn’t have worked! Sending you hugs and hoping for peace moving forward.

  2. I am bracing myself for the holidays too, but I find that I am determined to enjoy them. Last year I let myself wallow in the sad. This year I want to make the most of what I do have. Jen is right though, you have every reason to be sad and upset and you must allow yourself time to feel it.

  3. We will get thru this! There is no other option…. Well we could always chuck Norris kick people in the face in the meantime. Violence makes me feel better. I do t know hat I would have done with out ya… Cue corny lifetime network music (yes I just said corny…. I’m bringing it back).

  4. Taking time off for the holidays is a good thing. I really think we all need a break after a failed IVF, even if our heads so to plow forward, our hearts need time to heal. I hope the down time brings you some clarity and renewed hope.

  5. Hang in there. We had 3 genetically normal and physically awesome embryos from our first DE cycle (after 5 regular IVF cycles) – transferred them one at a time. The first two transfers didn’t work, but the third did and I’m now 8 months pregnant.

    That last step is out of our control; even with perfect embryos they don’t always stick. You’ve got 9 beautiful frosties to use. *hugs*

  6. BFNs really suck no matter what but i totally know how you feel after a BFN from a IVF. Hang in there and everyone is right – let yourself grieve. Your body is still trying to come off the hormones, too. As far as the holidays: invest in some wine. And don’t push yourself to do anything you don’t want to do / can’t handle. Make it a grown-up Christmas rather than a kid Christmas – like lots of dates with the hubby!

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