Spiders and pee sticks

You might ask, what do those 2 things have in common? They are the 2 things I’m most afraid of in this world. I think my fear of spiders is obvious (nasty unnatural creatures straight from hell) and pee sticks? Well let’s just say they haven’t been kind to me.

When I was a fresh faced TTCer I tested early often. Some cycles (as in the cycles I actually ovulated) I would get wicked progesterone symptoms that mimicked pregnancy and I would think “this is it, Im pregnant” and I would pee on a stick. And it would be negative, every time. Then the next day all my symptoms would go away. For awhile I thought it meant the symptoms were all in my head but I later realized my symptoms faded naturally a day or so before my period. It also made me feel on some level that the negative pee sticks caused me to not be pregnant. That the act of peeing on a stick made the symptoms (and therefore my pregnancy) disappear. Yea I know it sounds nuts. And each negative stick made it harder and harder to pee on the next one.

I am terrified of tomorrow. The day I designated to pee on a stick. The day before my beta. The hubs and I wanted to be able to spend the day together and process the results together. We can find out on our own terms, not on someone else’s and then return to work Monday when the information won’t be so raw.

Sounds like a good plan, right? Well here’s the catch. I don’t want to test anymore. I’m too chicken, too much rides on the results. I actually still feel pregnant. I don’t want to pee on a stick and jinx myself into a negative result. I think the only way I managed to test last IVF cycle was because my symptoms were gone and I had started to spot.

Hopefully tomorrow I wont chicken out and I’ll be able to post my first ever positive pee stick. Fingers crossed.

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8 thoughts on “Spiders and pee sticks

  1. Ohhh man I have been there… Does a lack of pregnancy cause the negative pee stick or does the negative pee stick cause the lack of pregnancy – one for the philosophers.

    I have everything crossed for you, lovely!

  2. Oh man, I feel totally the same way (about both spiders and pee sticks). I was so scared to test I almost threw up before I did it I was so nervous. I am keeping everything crossed for you. How so incredibly wonderful if this worked for both of us! We’ll have to somehow set up a baby meet and greet at some point. Thinking of you so much for the next few days. Please please please let this be it for you!

    • I think you mean we are going to have to set up a babIES meet and greet. I just saw your beta, I bet you have twins!!!! Seriously though I really hope we get to be preggo buddies!

  3. I share your spider fear (creepy horrible things) but hope your pee stick fear will prove to be unfounded this month! will be waiting with fingers crossed to hear.

  4. I am a peestickaphobe. I think I will be nine months pregnant and avoiding them like the plague. I will believe I am pregnant when the contractions start I think.

  5. I’m terrified of spiders and I have a rule to not POAS early. It’s kind of silly, but I feel like it’s a waste of money considering my clinic will give me the same results as an at home test. So I don’t like paying for the same thing twice.

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