Psych appointment

Well the psych appointment went okay. I still take issue that a 3rd party gets to judge whether I am well adjusted enough to go through this but I’ll be over it soon enough, probably after my sisters appointment on the 5th. We did talk about the issue of when to tell your child about their unique origin but lucky for us, we don’t have to decide this right away. I think I will see how we feel.

I also picked up my bag-o-meds from the pharmacy and paid for my sisters. She already told me she wants me to do her shots but the doctors office is still making the meds be shipped to their office and having my sister pick them up there. She picks them up on the 4th.

I start lupron on Sunday!!!!!!!!! Glad to keep moving forward. I will leave you with a picture of a sweet gnome night light for my nursery I found

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Now it’s all happening at once

We spent so much time waiting for this cycle and now it is officially here! Yesterday I got my calendar with dates and spent all day talking to brokers and banks to get money lined up (it’s due on sept 12 but for some reason I thought I had more time than I really do) Today I requested my time off and it was approved (my boss is great I just hate my job) and my meds were ordered yesterday and are already in. For some reason mine were covered by insurance (hell yea) and they gave me the price on my sis’s meds……1597! Waaayyyy cheaper that mine. Mine were 4 grand. My psych appointment is Monday, my cervical dilation is Friday and I start lupron on sept 2 nd. Egg retrieval will be around October 5, embryo transfer October 10. Aaahhhh I am getting soo excited and nervous all at once!!!!!

Long overdue updates

I havent posted in a week because we’ve been in a holding pattern waiting to see what is going to happen with the cycle. The donor coordinator who was awesome and friendly and on top of things went out of town shortly after we spoke for the first time and I have since been stuck with the crappy donor coordinator. The one who never remembers me when I call, the one who asks me EVERY time if I’m on birth control, the one who every time I ask a question about my plan of care tells me to talk to my doctor. Hello aren’t you supposed to be my link to the doctor? Yes, that one. Anyways the great news is that my sisters thyroid problem is a non issue, I have been silently freaking out about it since last Thursday worried about the delay it might cause. But after further testing she just needs to watch it but can donate.  We can finally schedule a lupron start date!!!

I am hoping to have egg retrieval around Oct 8th but that depends on when my doc is available to do the transfer. He wants to be the one who does it. Apparently he changed his mind about the multiple cervical dilations.  Instead I get one, which I have to take cytotec before (a drug they use for missed miscarriage) followed by another mock transfer. My only worry is that it will close before the real transfer like it did last time.  Maybe he can stick a cork in it until the time comes! I am sooo excited that this is actually going to happen. I have been so worried it wouldn’t ever since the appointment where my doctor was doubtful that my sister would make a good donor. Hopefully I hear from the coordinator today about my start date!!!

Also I have my Psych appointment on Monday. Per the advice of my mother I am going to say as little as possible and won’t mention my childhood so as not to look crazy…. I will leave you with a picture of my dog pouting in the dragon costume I made her wear for Halloween last year.

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Antral Follicle Count..

Is 35! Mine was 14. We are a go with my sister as the donor. Even my skeptical RE was smiling about the results. Today I started birth control and we get the calendar next week. The only fly in the ointment is my sisters thyroid is low and she will need to get on some meds and get it regulated. Hopefully it will only take a month or so otherwise we will get delayed. Hoping that’s not the case, I just want to be pregnant already!

Public perception

I’ve been kicking this topic around in my head for awhile but it recently came to a head when my sister told me of a conversation that took place between her and a receptionist at the general OB /GYN clinic where she saw my RE for her consult:
“The IVF consult fee will be 165 dollars up front”
“My sister is covering the cost, I am donating eggs to her”
“Wow that is so amazing of you, you must be some kind of saint to do that for her”
“Actually all of my sisters offered to donate eggs to her but I’m just the one who is closest so it makes the most sense to use me”
“I think it would be easier if you lived in a different state, I mean you are going to have to watch your sister raise YOUR baby.”

My sister had a snappy response about how eggs aren’t babies, they are genetic material and that she doesn’t get emotionally attached to her eggs. That she doesn’t cry every month when she gets her period and another egg goes unfertilized (I do but for totally different reasons). But snappy response aside many people hold the belief that if you aren’t the genetic mother to the child then you aren’t the real mother.

It’s not the first time I’ve come across this attitude. I was watching a special on adopting in china and every single person, except the adopting patents, referred to the bio parents as the “real parents”. Personally I think the real parent is the one who raises the child but plenty of people don’t agree. I am also hurt by the idea that just because my egg didn’t create the child that Im not the real mother. I know I shouldn’t let it get to me,but it does.
With using egg donation we have the option of hiding the origin of our child since I will be pregnant with him/her. We could avoid a lot of annoyances, stupid questions and insensitivity if we did that. I also dread the day when my angry teenager hurls the phrase “you’re not my mother” at me when told to do something they don’t like. On the other hand I dislike hiding anything from anyone, I am an incredibly open person (some, like my husband, might say too open). Im struggling with what to do here. I might be putting the cart before the horse as I am not pregnant yet but I think about these things every day. Why couldn’t it have been simple?

Update: AMH

My sisters AMH was 2.87 which seems right in line with her age of 27 but it is an average number not a above average number. Not sure what this means at this time. My RE is very concerned that she produce a lot of eggs since an increase in quantity is why we are choosing this option. 

The apointments

My appointment went okay. The RE came in and immediately began challenging my decision to do donor eggs which kind of put me off since we had discussed this before and he seemed positive about the idea. He kept asking me if I had thought of this or what if that happened, etc. I think he was just trying to make sure I had thought everything through, but apparently from the way he was acting the decision to use donor eggs is something people make lightly sometimes.

We then moved on to the topic of the donor and he isn’t thrilled with the idea of using my sister. He says people who use a known donor often don’t have as much success because they pick the donor based on other factors (ie emotional attachment) vs their ability to produce a lot of high quality eggs. After I gave him the info on my sis he backed down a little and admitted she sounds good on paper but warned me she could have the same problems as me. That her ability to get pregnant super fast might not mean she produces a high number off eggs. I told him that we understood that was a possibility and if her AFC and AMH didn’t look great we wouldn’t hesitate to pull the plug.

I then asked him point blank if he thought what we were doing was a good plan or not. He said he did think it was a good plan, that choosing donor eggs could increase our chances from 35% to 50-80% if we have a good donor, he is just concerned about using my sister. He wants us to prepare for the fact that she might not be suitable. He asked if we would be open to using an anonymous donor. I told him I don’t know. Choosing my sister as a donor feels like a small sacrifice (not a bio kid but still genetically related to me) for a big potential gain in number of embryos and overall increased chance of pregnancy. Choosing an anonymous donor would cost 5000 more and be a much bigger sacrifice for me. Right now we will wait for my sisters evaluation to come back and see what it says. She had her AMH drawn yesterday and will have her U/S and AFC next week. On the plus side, she didn’t change her mind after her consult so hooray for that!

Oh and I totally forgot to ask about the cervical dilations, crap!

The big appointment looms

The big appointment looms, we have our official donor egg consult on Tuesday. My sister has hers on Wednesday.  I am suddenly nervous that my sister wont be a suitable donor,, that they will find she is progressing down the same path as me and the only reason she is gotten pregnant so easily in the past is that she was younger. (It was only 14 months ago, but I am not being logical). I’m nervous to hear about how many cervical dilations I will need. I only did one last time and it was the most painful part of the whole IVF process hands down. My doc blamed my IVF failure on a difficult transfer due to sever cervical stenosis and apparently it closed back up between my dilation in April and my transfer in may. So this time he wants to do multiple dilations (I just don’t know how many “multiple” is).

I am planning on talking to him about immune testing because I have read that many women ho have multiple implantation failures often have natural killer cells or other over active immune system issues that can prevent implantation. I haven’t had multiple implantation failures, nor do I think I have any immune issues, I just don’t want to flush any more money down the IVF toilet with out making sure we have tested for everything. I want to go all out on this cycle to insure success. I don’t foresee any problem with talking my doc into additional tests, he is usually open to reasonable requests.

ACK! I am so excited and nervous at the same time. What does the future hold for this IVF cycle? Will it work, could it possible work?

Smug Beagle Mom

Today I am feeling a bit smug. I noticed something was up with my dog Sprinkles this weekend. She was drinking a semi ridiculous amount of water and licking her lady zone an awful lot. I thought it might just be the weather but on monday she dribbled some pee on the floor while she was walking.

I called the vets office and spoke to a staff member and told them I was concerned about her having a urinary tract infection. (I love my vet but her staff is lackluster at best) i described her symptoms and was told she couldn’t possibly have a UTI because she wasn’t acting like she was having pain with urination. I got off the phone still feeling like something was wrong even though they didn’t agree.
I went downstairs and noticed their mixing bowl of water was already empty and refilled it. Sprinkles came and sucked down the entire bowl in one sitting. I called the vet and asked to speak to someone different and just made her an appointment.

The vet herself wasn’t that impressed with her symptoms but ran a test because I was concerned (getting a urine sample from a bratty beagle is ridiculous). Lo and behold the results are back today and she does have a UTI. My vet congratulated me for catching it so early, most dogs are in significant pain before they are brought in and often sick. She also mentioned how trim my dog was (beagles are notorious for ending up little sausage rolls) and how great her teeth looked. I left feeling like pet owner of the year.

Lately with my work struggles, 15 infertility pounds gained, and coming to terms with the fact that I am a Darwinian failure, my self esteem has taken a few hits lately. It’s good to feel proud of something. Now if only I could be proud of how well behaved my dogs were. Sigh, you can’t have it all

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