Feeling trapped

I left my high stress, high responsibility job in October in order to get ready for fertility treatments. I loved that job because I had so much responsibility and was good at it. At the same time I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility every day. We thought that a job switch and less stress might lead to that elusive BFP. If it didn’t it would be nice to have less stress while going through fertility treatments.
Fast forward 9 months to today and I feel crushed by how boring and mindless my job. Especially in the last month since I got my BFN after the IVF.
I’m also struggling with the fact that our future is so up in the air. Will we be parents, will we just have dogs? Will we get to buy the farm I have always wanted?
Part of me wonders if I should give up the baby quest and focus on more attainable goals. Goals that, if I put in enough work, I have much more of a guarantee of achieving. Then there is that deep gut wrenching sadness that always manages to claw its way to the surface past all my doubts of the wisdom of my current path. Deep down I want a baby. More than I ever thought possible. And I may never get it. I feel trapped by my circumstances.


4 thoughts on “Feeling trapped

  1. I know the feeling. I feel like a child wanting to throw a collassal tantrum. This isn’t how you thought things would go… It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I think we all eventually navigate our own way through all of this, I just wish none of this was necessary… I want my easy breezy happy ending god damn it! 🙂

    • I think our babies will be better than everyone else’s cause they were more expensive, right? Like the Lexus and Toyota, same car but one costs more!

  2. Also, just an update, bc your comment on my post really hit home. Yesterday at work, my new boss was such an asshole. Two of us headed to HR to report him. The HR rep wanted me to be covered under fmla, to excuse the doctors visits.. She hooked me up with the nurse to see if it would be covered. I talked to the nurse who said she can’t believe I’m still standing, and she thinks it’s time to take a break via short term… VACATION IT IS! I really didn’t know this was an option… Seems unnecessary since I’m doing a good job at work, but I’ll take a break any way I can! 🙂

    • I think your job can really impact your over all ability to cope. I’m lucky I have a very family oriented boss. Partly makes me feel like an ungrateful swine when I dislike my job! I hope your time off helps

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